


Walking With Death

by XSuicuneX



Category: Persona 3
Genre: F/M, Persona 3 fem!protag centered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 07:40:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5777200
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XSuicuneX/pseuds/XSuicuneX
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Since she was a little girl Death was nothing short of her constant companion...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Walking With Death

From the very beginning, she’d become used to loss.

The funeral arrangements went by in a blur, with old people she didn’t know and some she did, if only from a few meetings previously. They came in and out of the only home she’d ever known…constantly in and out…changing things, making up a new life for her and her brother.

_‘We can’t possibly keep them both. We can’t afford twins.’_

_‘But we can’t separate them! Not so soon after…’_

_‘It can’t be helped. I’ll take the girl and you get the boy.’_

Thus, she lost her only family left, her precious brother.

Even so, it wasn’t all bad. Her aunt and uncle were kind to her, though they were rarely if ever home. It was inevitable that she would find solace in music. When she became lost in the dancing tunes, the colorful worlds her mind concocted while listening to Jazz or Reggei or any average pop tune, she could forget…forget for a moment that she was all alone.

Though she wasn’t…not really…

She’d started seeing him much sooner than the dorm. Far, far before she was ever transferred to that school where her fate was sealed. He had been her first and only friend, though she hadn’t quite known what to make of him first. He was just a shadow then, a glimpse out of the corner of her eye, a cool presence behind her when she worked, an odd comfort whenever she felt lonely. She’d only mentioned him once to her aunt, back when she first got a clear image out of him in the mirror.

_‘Goodness, are we haunted? Don’t go telling tales like that Minako, it’s not good for you!’_

She quickly learned not to say anything after that.

He didn’t talk much at first, it felt a little like he was confused, but no one else ever saw him or acknowledged him so…she started to think that maybe she really was seeing things. Still, even if he was just a delusion, it was better than being alone. So she came to accept him, cherish him in an odd way, even as she grew older and no longer could get away with talking to her ‘imaginary friend’.

He was always strange, she remembered the first words he’d ever actually said to her. It was while she’d been on the side of the road, playing. Her aunt and uncle were away and so she tended to roam about by herself. It wasn’t like she had any friends, and she was always such a responsible girl…

She’d been watching the cars go by, talking with him and drawing in the sand with a stick. Then, a loud sound, the screaming of tires, she froze.

The cat didn’t last a chance.

She had stared off into the street, in shock, her memories flashing back to that night, though everything was…still very fuzzy. She’d been half asleep then, it’d been so late at night. But he…he walked right up to the bleeding, broken body, his pale face gazing down at it with an impassive expression. She wanted to tell him to leave it, to get off the road, something, but she was frozen in place.

Then, he glanced up at her, his pale eyes looking old, so, so very old and deep. She felt herself get lost in them about as much as the car crash.

Then he spoke.

_‘There’s no difference between then and now. It all looks the same to me.’_

It had confused her. For a long, long time she hadn’t known what he meant. Not until she transferred and he spoke of death again.

When she was a child, he was always with her. Her silent shadow. She’d come to learn a lot of things about him just from watching him interact next to her. He enjoyed seeing the light on the water, he was even more of a night owl than her, he loved her Jazz and Classical music and always seemed to get closer to her when she played them. His skin….and she found she could feel him clearly when he touched her, was cold.

He was singularly insensitive to the thought of death, or to those in mourning.

She hadn’t mourned properly, they said. She never cried, never got angry. She was just numb, her eyes becoming a bit deader, a bit duller. Truly, she just took her cues from him. He treated death as another aspect to living, like it was inevitable and shouldn’t be treated with much fanfar so… she thought that was the thing to do.

However, her relatives never seemed to like that, and the neighbors didn’t seem to either. It wasn’t right for a girl, they said. She should move on and be cheerful for her poor aunt and uncle. She needed to be strong….

So, she started to act cheerful and happy to help those around her. People seemed to respond to it…so she kept at it. Eventually she started to realize that it started to make her happy too.

Even so, he always wore that sober expression, even among the dead and mourning…

As she started to get older, she started to realize how….unnatural it was to keep seeing an invisible boy. So she started to pretend he wasn’t there, and he, in turn, started to fade from her vision. But she didn’t panic, though she wanted to. Because even then, if she focused, she could feel his presence.

_‘I’m always with you.’_

That was what he said, the first night, when she was weak and alone and longing for some company, even if he was cold company at best. A constant, however messed up it was. She…preferred it.

Eventually she was able to manage not to see him for days at a time, so that even if she called and he wouldn’t answer she’d be fine. Still, she was always, always feeling him beneath the surface, right under her skin. So it was no surprise to her when he appeared again at her school. Though…everything looked so…odd to her.

Things seemed so different then, he was different, despite wearing the same child form he always did. She felt like he was starting to become more relatable, more…human. It was weird but she felt like she could become closer to him now, closer than before, despite that no one could see him, still couldn’t see him, even when she mentioned him.

Just like always…

He only showed up twice a month, but that was enough. She started to look forward to his visits, her one constant, even after her friend, her good, good friend died in front of them. Shinji…when he passed, she was curled up in her bed, trying and failing to push the pain back down into a comfortable numbness like she was used to. Dealing with the pain….she couldn’t handle it sometimes. Everyone was relying on her and if she gave into grieving….

She had no right to grieve, she barely had known him for a month after all. Just four weeks…and he, even if she’d enjoyed talking with him and watching him cook, even if she’d shared his sadness and had thought that finally, finally there was someone who would know, who would understand…maybe…she could get close again…

But no. He was destined to die, just like everyone else around her was. Just like…

Then he showed up, like always, right on time after the full moon. He was smiling, he always, always smiled for some reason those days. So very different from those first years. Did he remember that time?

But he did, he said it himself, but apparently she was the one not remembering everything.

Even so, his words…so cold as usual, they gave her some comfort.

Everyone dies…

Yes.

That was the truth. Death wasn’t a tragedy, it was a fact of life, and Shinji had faced Death with a smile and open arms. He’d been fine with how it turned out.

And she….

She would cherish his memories, those precious, precious memories forever.

In the following months she felt that resolve take her through one battle after the other, and he, Pharos, would visit her and give her encouragement, in his strange way. She truly started to look forward to those times, even if it confused her why. Those feelings…they weren’t like with the others…

Then, the last shadow fell, and her mission was completed. She felt…happy, glad that she’d been able to help, been able to be such a big part of things. It was nice having connections again, especially after so long, when it was just her and Pharos.

Pharos…so long he’d never had a name, and now he suddenly did. He wanted to be friends with her, which was strange as she’d always considered him a friend, or maybe that was just one sided. For all her cheerfulness and friendly personality, she’d never been very good at expressing herself, preferring instead to draw others out.

It was just how she was really...

She hadn’t expected the consequences however.

His loss…so soon after victory. She’d wanted to cry out to him as he left but…she didn’t. It was just like he said, Death was inevitable. There was no use crying over it, nothing in this world lasts forever.

She couldn’t mourn anyway, the others would notice, and ask. It wasn’t like they’d have known of his existence to begin with.

Then, more death. And betrayal. She wasn’t that close to who died, but Mitsuru Senpai….

She wished she had the words to say, but for some reason she felt that Pharos’ odd way of comfort would be lost on her.

Probably on everyone, except for her it seemed.

She put more determination into her act, more focus than ever to pretend that everything would be okay, that she wasn’t mourning the loss of what felt like the twin to her soul, like a piece of her hadn’t just left. She had so much more to deal with, she could feel it, a frantic desperation calling her, bearing down on her every time someone became lost in Tartarus, every time someone….anyone….needed her. It was like she was fighting uphill, everything riding on her to keep acting normally now that she was alone once again.

God she hated being alone.

_‘I choose this path of mine own free will’_

What did those words mean anyway? Why did he have to give her that contract? Did that mean everything, everyone’s fate, rested on her? Why? Why her? Why did she have to be the one to bear the burden? What the fuck was so special about her anyway?!

She wanted to scream, to cry, but she didn’t want anyone to know why…she couldn’t bear to have to lie to them, even if she could blame it on stress or on not knowing what they were fighting for, like Mitsuru-senpai…She didn’t want to burden them, and anyway, it wasn’t the truth.

She just…missed her friend. So, so much.

Then, a few days before the trip, he came.

Ryouji…

She hadn’t known what to think of him at first, though she knew his playboy antics were a danger sign. She just… had the feeling that he really didn’t mean any harm by them. He just liked being like that, he liked the attention. She could understand that. Though…it was surprising how quickly he’d zoned in on her right from the start.

But, his eyes, his face, his…everything. He said she looked like someone he’d seen before, but despite it likely being a lame line, she….had to admit she felt the same.

She learned…a _lot_ about Ryouji during that trip and those next few weeks.

He loved attention, whenever she’d zone out a little he always would bring her back to him, gently of course. He wanted to hear about _her_ , which was vastly different to what everyone else seemed to want from her. He was obsessed with learning what she liked, what she didn’t like, everything he could possibly think of.

He had no personal space, and he liked sweets. He loved to spill some onto her so he could lick it off, much to her blushing chagrin. (They didn’t do anything like that around Aigis or Yukari, the two would have had his head on a platter.) He always wanted to hold her hand, to touch her in some innocuous way.

And she didn’t mind that, not really. Whether he was seeking comfort or looking for a way to prove his existence, she really didn’t mind. She….liked his touch, his comfort.

His skin was cold.

His hands rather, and his feet, as she’d learned later on. He was an old man at heart, with an old man’s constitution. He was so pale, sometimes he’d end up hurting himself if he stayed out in the sun too long. Some foods he couldn’t eat without getting sick, no matter how badly he wanted to.

He was always excited to try new things, and he’d inevitably drag her into trying them too. Not that she minded, she enjoyed following his lead after all.

So funny…she was a leader in battle, but when it came to regular life she always ended up following everyone else, or trying to be the peacekeeper. She wasn’t much of a leader outside of Tartarus it seemed.

She observed so many things about Ryouji, and the more she saw, the more she fell. She wanted…so, so much. For him to stay. For this week, this moment, to last forever. She wanted to talk to him, be with him.

_‘You’re always watching me, you know?’_

_‘What are you talking about? You watch me too, you creep.’_

_‘Hey, don’t get mad! I don’t mind. It’s like, you see things that most others don’t.’_

_‘I suppose…’_

_‘I like it.’_

_‘…you do?’_

_‘Yeah. It makes me feel like you really care, because you want to understand me…like I want to understand you.’_

_‘Ryouji…’_

_‘Tell me, what do you see in me now?’_

_‘…..’_

Home.

It felt like…..home….when she was with him. She wanted to bottle that feeling up and take it with her forever.

It didn’t last, but then again, nothing ever did…she was starting to find out.

She honestly should have realized it sooner, but she was in too deep, too happy to have something so close with him to understand the significance. He was just as insensitive with death as Him….as her imaginary friend, not so imaginary and not…exactly her friend. Not anymore.

And she had to kill him.

She couldn’t do it, she _couldn’t_ , her very being quailed at the thought. How could she? She was telling the truth when she said outright that she could never…he thought she was kind, when that wasn’t the fact at all.

She wasn’t kind, she was selfish. How, how on earth could she ever possibly kill him? Her other half, her comfort, her constant companion…

She spent the next month in a daze, while everyone else debated and spoke with her, she stood there, dumbfounded over this next choice.

Her contract…

Could she ever choose such a fate? Die painfully or die peacefully, either way it’d be the same.

She’d die alone.

She tried to act alright in front of the others, but it seeped through the cracks, those true emotions of hers, the ones that she spent so much time hiding, finally, finally seeped through. It was all of a sudden obvious to them what he’d meant to her, and they all had different ways of trying to show support.

Junpei shared her pain, though he was angry at Ryouji for hurting her and being what he was, so it was cold comfort. Still, he didn’t want him to die either…

Yukari was sympathetic, especially after realizing how close they’d gotten. She tried to take her out as much as she could, though…she couldn’t get as into it as she had. Yukari did her best however.

Fuuka…emphasized. Even if she didn’t know what it was like to love someone, she still was supportive in her own, quiet way. She used her skills to make her a playlist, something filled with Jazz, the kind both her and Ryouji used to like, to comfort her. It helped.

Akihiko took her out to eat, made sure she was eating right. It was so much like something Shinji would do she almost cried right in front of him. At night though…

Mitsuru took her aside and spoke with her quietly, sharing her own pain and how Ryouji had set aside this sacrifice, not just for everyone, but for her especially. She said she shouldn’t waist it, that it was something he was willing to die for. To protect her…

Koromaru and Ken did what they could, lending support and sympathy. They knew what it was like to lose people they loved too, and they didn’t want Ryouji to die either.

It helped…all of it did, in its own way.

It still wasn’t…quite…enough.

Then, he returned, and she felt both elated and terrified at the sight of him. She wanted to run out to him and hold him in her arms, wanted to take him to her room and stay with him until the end…it was inevitable right? That was what she always, always heard from him. Ever since she was a child, death came to everyone. It had given her comfort to get past her parents, past Shinji, past Chidori and Mutsuru’s father and everyone else. Why wouldn’t it help her get past Ryouji?

He went to her room, not wanting to make a show of it, or maybe he wanted to be alone with her before the end, but when they got there…she broke.

_‘I can’t lose you! I can’t! Not again!’_

_‘Minako…’_

_‘After everyone else, you keep asking me to watch them all go, and now you’re leaving too? I can’t do this again!’_

His arms encircled her, holding her tightly as she shook from the force of her desperate sadness.

_‘It has to be like this. Remember what I said? Death comes to everyone…’_

_‘I know, I know it comes to everyone! It’s pointless to be upset, but…!’_

_‘Shhh…’_

He kissed her, his hand going up to run through her hair. She knew that she should have been stronger, have been refusing him more calmly, but she was out of strength at that moment and out of time. She couldn’t handle being strong anymore.

_‘Can’t….can’t we just stay here and wait for the fall? Can’t I just stay here with you until the end…?’_

He’d looked pained, his grip tightening around her before he glanced away.

_‘I’d…love nothing more, but it’s not that easy…’_

_‘Why not?!’_

_‘Minako…can you honestly say that you’d want to put your friends through that much pain?’_

_‘….’_

He gave a sad, fond smile, his hand running through her hair again and down to cup her cheek.

_‘You’re so, so strong. You always care for everyone, and try so hard to make them happy. Even after all this pain you’ve gone though, even knowing what you do about Death…’_

He trailed off, his eyes growing distant.

_‘Death….comes to everyone….’_

He then returned his gaze to her.

_‘But…your will to live…gives it meaning!’_

She frowned in confusion, not understanding his point, even as a smile grew on his face.

_‘I understand now. I can’t prevent Nyx from coming, and it’s still a slim chance, but if you hold onto that will, maybe you’ll have a chance!’_

_‘Ryouji…?’_

He got up and left her on the couch, starring after him in confusion. He soon came back however, holding onto a wet washcloth from one of the bathrooms on that floor. It brought back memories, memories of a day when he was in that same room, on that same bed, crying over whether or not he existed. She’d brought him a cloth and wiped up his face, reassuring him with her words and her kisses that he was there with her, that he was _there_.

He sat back on the bed and wiped up her tears, that same smile in place.

_‘Shhh, shh, hey, it’ll be alright dearest. Come on, where’s that smile? The one you’re always giving?’_

It was hard, so, so hard to put that smile back on, but she did it. For him. He cupped her face in both hands, forcing her to look him in his pale eyes.

_‘You’re always crying behind this smile aren’t you?’_

_‘….’_

_‘Forgive me. I finally understand. I’m sorry it took so long.’_

She closed her eyes and let out a few more tears, still smiling through it all. He reached down and dabbed at them with the washcloth again, before leaning forward to kiss her lips gently once more.

_‘Minako. Tell me, are you willing to let your friends die? Without fighting for them? Without doing anything to save them?’_

His voice was harsh, and it cut through her grief like a blade. She was honestly shocked at her reaction, her fists clenching and the fire of anger and defiance that instantly welled up in her chest at the thought. He smiled at the fire in her eyes, looking pleased, if still sad.

_‘That’s what I thought. I still don’t think there’s anything to help, but if you hold on to that….then maybe….somehow…’_

His gaze faded, and he ran a thumb gently across her lips, his smile falling.

_‘I would give anything….absolutely anything…to spare you this pain.’_

He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and squaring his shoulders.

_‘But. This is the path you’ve chosen I guess. I can’t stop you, I probably never could.’_

He then leaned back and took off his ring, the precious one he’d gotten at the school trip. He handed it to her, another grin in place.

_‘Here. Please take it. Use it to remember everything we’ve shared together. I…would feel much better with you holding this close.’_

_‘Ryouji, I-‘_

_‘Please Minako.’_

She took it, holding it tenderly in her hands. She then, with a bit of the last humor she had, put it on her left ring finger. He grinned wryly and shook his head while she laughed through her tears. It was stupid, and silly, and they were still just highschoolers, but the fact that he’d given her a ring of all things…

_‘Hehe, I suppose that was fate. If only….’_

He paused for a moment, then shook his head and held out his hand for her to take, a soft smile on his face.

_‘Dearest, let’s go. They’re waiting out there for us.’_

_‘What are you-‘_

_‘I’m still sure it’s impossible…but I can tell you how to best fight Nyx. Maybe with your will you can still win.’_

She paused as she stood up, eyes wide. He…he was going to help them? Even though he said it was impossible.

_‘Dearest, come on.’_

She took his hand and left, though she made him promise to stay for the night, or for as long as he could. She didn’t feel ready to say goodbye, really say goodbye, just then.

He left at midnight.

From then there was only resolve, and the heat of battle burned like it never had before. They were fighting for more than just themselves, they were fighting for life, for humanity, and for their precious precious memories.

And for her, she was fighting for something even more.

To protect those precious to her, that had come close and stayed when others had not.

Fuuka, Aigis, Junpei, Mitsuru, Akihiko, Yukira, Ken, Koromaru. Shinji….

“Ryouji.”

She closed her eyes and accepted her fate, the one that she’d chosen of her own free will.

**Author's Note:**

> The end of the game broke my heart and I had to write this to cope. The fact that you go through so much shit as a silent protag is nothing short of frustrating. I wanted my girl to cry. I really really did.


End file.
